Nighttime Personalities Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program
TV's top entertainers devoted their broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, labeled the "golden visa," portraying it as a blatant pay-to-play system for the wealthy.
Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis
Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday tune about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he comes into contact with."
The subject was the new initiative that allows international individuals to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for $5 million. A government portal pledges approval "faster than ever."
"A brief thought here to rich foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.
He noted that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choosing – if it's the that one hotel," he said.
"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly are eligible to be in America."
"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary
On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."
"This is a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."
"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.
Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues
On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers amid economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he explained.
This week, in a effort to address affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."
"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.
